What can I do to get rid of my sister in-law out of the family for good this time?

When I got married to my husband and his family back in 2003, I was happy and things were fine when I found out that my brother in-law wasn't married to my family yet. At the time, my brother in-law's girlfriend and I hung out a lot and eventually gained my trust. Lets call her, Lisa. She and I are four years apart although we come from two very different families. She comes from a good family where both of her parents were happily married together whereas I come from a broken family where both of my parents were alcoholics and when I was twelve years old, my mother dragged me to court by my hair to emancipate me in front of the judge saying that she no longer could take care of me and I was only twelve years old. I remember my mother in-law, lets call her Cathy saying really good things about Lisa and how she's a really good caring person and all to volunteer at our local Zoo. I became envious of Lisa instantly. From then on, I pretended to be really good friends with Lisa hoping she would tell me some stories to use against her later on, which worked!! Whenever Lisa was coming over for a family dinner, I would come up with list of things to sabotage her with in front of the whole family to make her look bad or to make her feel excluded from MY family and don't forget, I was asked to be married to the family first NOT Lisa therefore I should have priority over her. During lunch one day, while the family gathered around the island, I said, "I still can't believe that my great grandmother's name was named after me" and Cathy was like, "It's true. My husband's mother was named Mary." I glanced over Lisa as I gave her a "smirk" just to annoy her. To win Cathy over Lisa, one evening, I told her about my painful childhood when I was twelve years old. Ever since I told her my story, she gives me the center of attention and I enjoy every minute of it. You should have seen Lisa's reaction. It was SO funny!! Lets skip three years later. Sadly, Lisa, she got married to MY family. It was a sad day!! I never understood why my brother in-law got married to Lisa. I feel SO sorry for her because rest of us are white and she's the only Asian in MY family. To get rid of her, I told lies to Cathy, even faked my own illnesses to get the center of attention. Being emancipated at a very young age, I didn't know anything better so I ate poorly, which later I was diagnosed as having Crohn's disease. I'm always fatigued and I have issues every minute of each day so I need Cathy to give me the center of attention. She's MY mom now and I don't want to share her with Lisa because she can obviously take care of herself, which I'm SO jealous about. I don't understand why she had to marry MY family. Over the years, Lisa has told me stories where her husband's old boss tried to break them apart (you GO girl) so she could hook up Kaleb with her best friend who was wanting to date. Unfortunately, the boss couldn't break Lisa apart with my brother in-law even though she tried so many ways I was told. In hopes of getting rid of her for good couple summers ago myself, I invited her over to my place to have a nice bbq. Prior to the days, I got in touch with one of my brother in-law's past girlfriend who by coincident lived nearby me and started talking about Kaleb when they were in high school together. Julia used to have a huge crush on Kaleb and wanted to at least get in touch to have a one night stand. So, during the bbq, I wanted to make Lisa feel jealous and make her re-think to why she even bothered to get married to MY family in the first place. I started the conversation saying, "All woman are jealous." Lisa, looking confused asked, "What do you mean?" To give Lisa an idea, I told Lisa, "All woman are jealous. Meaning, take Kaleb for an example. I know a girl who LOVES him more than you do." You should have seen Lisa's reaction. It was SO funny!! I thought she was going to go in a corner to cry. Don't get me wrong. I love my nephew, but I feel SO sorry that he has a mother like Lisa. How can I get her to divorce her husband so I can hook up Julia back with Kaleb to have 24/7 sex, live in his new house and get showered with toys (phone, money, clothes, jewelry). My two daughters are SO jealous of their cousin that they want to see their cousin miserable as possible. I was thinking of dropping him off at an Orphanage. Picture this, "Asking my brother in-law if I can take his son out for some ice cream, but instead, I'll drop him off at an Orphanage as a joke." I always like to be in the spotlight of MY family. Fearing, Lisa thought I was breaking her up with her husband, she told MY mom, "What a ***** I basically was." From then on, Lisa avoids me therefore, I stopped talking to HER too. She's the ***** in the family NOT me. How can I get rid of her? She annoys me!